So really, all I want right now is a solid full body massage, scalp down, followed by a streaming hot bath in a tub that would actually hold my body comfortably, followed by a brief nap, from which I would awaken to enjoy a light snack of fruit and cheese, and a bottle of Pellegrino mineral water. But I'd settle for the massage.
Basically what I'm saying is that I need pampering. I need my body thoroughly relaxed, my mind set at ease, and my spirit in a place and space where deep healing can occur. After all of that, the same ritual would be repeated again on occasion, just to recharge my batteries.
That's where I'm really at right now. Not really feeling sorry for myself, although I'm a bit saddened by the situation in which I find myself. Now, I'm looking at what I can do to make things better for me daily.
Today's vertigo was less intense and frequent which seems to indicate that the prednisone is working, our that I'm just getting used to the prednisone.
But that's just stuff that I'm thinking. I'll gladly accept massages, baths, etc, but what I've really got to come to accept the elephant in the room..... "What if I never gain back my hearing?" Then the tailspin resumes.
Serious illness is a total head trip. Accepting that something is wrong, having to wait for tests and results, accepting the ramifications of the conclusions.
But it's late, and I think I can sleep, so I should. Serious illness will have to wait till tomorrow.
Peace and love.
-r
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