Saturday, September 21, 2013

The part where it feels strangely familiar.

It's not déjà vu, per se.  It's more of a realization of having been in similar conditions under entirely different circumstances.  I'm just this side of nine and a half years clean from drugs and alcohol, yet the Prednisone reminds me of a specific feeling.  When the drug is in full effect, I feel just like I've spent the whole night taking cocaine, and now, I'm coming down off of the  coke and take some really cheap speed (with all of the bad side effects for which cheap speed is known) to pick me up a little bit.

If you've never had the experience of taking cheap speed on the downside of a cocaine binge, then let me try to explain. You see, cocaine lifts you up into the highest heights of the stratosphere.  It infiltrates your body and  mind, magnifying and intensifying all the wonderful things you know (or desperately want to believe) to be true about yourself.  As the cocaine wears off, an undeniable emptiness, a void of sorts, opens up within you, and the only way to actually fill that hole is more cocaine, but even that doesn't do the trick. And after all, you're out of cocaine,and it's doubtful you'll be able to buy more at this hours, so you just have to let it go, but you're not going to just come down off the cocaine high.  You want something to ease the transition into normalcy and the only thing available is speed (crank, meth, etc.)   So you smoke, swallow or shoot your speed and away you go, on a nauseating joyride.  But with some nasty side effects... Difficulty paying attention, a need to "do so,etching" but no idea of what that means.  Mix that with simultaneous anxiety and exhaustion and you've got a rough idea of how it feels.

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